365.26 days (approx.)

Now for the post Christmas madness of returning gifts, returning home, returning order... or something resembling such. And in this no doubt joyous season, have any of us gotten through with any more insight to gratitude, giving, family or faith? One hopes we all might have taken something away that can enrich the year and years to come. Although we are all busy with goodbyes and whatnot, I encourage some reflection on the 360-something days we just survived. I know it's been one hell of an experience for me.
I guess this was more a year of sacrifice for me than it was living. One of those years ya look back on and realize that, without those trials, you could have made a whole lot more mistakes in life. In short, some pretty cheap prices for some pretty big lessons. I learned that happiness is a state of mind or an outlook about things more than it is a status or material standard. In other words, we make it ourselves and sitting around waiting for that happiness to come is fruitless. We're indefinitely our own worst enemies when you consider that we are completely in control of our viewpoints and opinions. We can't always help initial reactions to things, but we can help our perceptions and ultimately how we feel about them.

I learned that faith isn't always something you just have, but sometimes an actual pursuit of something. It's kinda like how Will Smith described happiness in his recent film "The Pursuit of Happyness." He wondered if happiness is actually something that is simply to be pursues instead of reached or obtained. I can't say in the case of happiness that's really how I feel, since if happiness were really something you could only just chase but never really obtain, there'd be no point. I think what Jefferson meant about happiness was that one must build their own happiness. America is a land of opportunity, not success. We have the right here to create our own sense of happiness, which is really the only way one can reach it. Faith is the belief that such a pursuit will actually bear fruit.

In church there was a few lines about how one has really two choices, to believe in Jesus, or to reject him. Those who don't care to really even consider it, or just avoid the subject, have made a choice as well. They consent to neither and since the choice is something or nothing, they, in fact, choose nothing. So, faith is following a path with an uncertain destination. Many of us walk paths, pursue direction in life not knowing where they lead. Most of us, if we ever really stop and think about it, probably have reservations about religion and "faith." The Bible sure can sound pretty sensational sometimes, and even if we throw our hearts into the belief completely, there is an expectation that following this belief leads to something.

It now just occurs to me how much motive can play in one's pursuit of salvation and happiness. Do we all ultimately pursue these things for ourselves? Are we all "good Christians" because we, "I", want to get to heaven? I think Jesus did his everlovin' best to try and relay the message that we are all connected, and we have to let go of personal sense before we can really start purifying our motives, so to speak. We love because of what others offer in our lives or make us feel. We believe because of the promises made to us if we believe. It's all a little selfish. The act of giving freely is almost impossible considering personal sense. Perhaps as long as others are getting more out of the gesture than oneself, the act is worth its weight.

I often wonder if I'm getting my fair share of fruit out of my efforts. Is everything I do worth it for what I'm getting out of it? When I work, I'm often feeling like I work harder than I should for my reward. Sometimes I feel the same about the efforts I make to the ones I love. But something then occurs to me that I have to love what it is I'm doing for them just as much. It all comes down to the process, not the results. We live life being good because doing so is what should bring us joy, not the outcome. Happiness, as a concept, is misunderstood if the pursuit itself isn't the bringer of happiness. Heaven is probably not a whole lot better than our own perceptions allow us to imagine. If we spend our lives being miserable, well, how the hell are we supposed to know what harmony and bliss are? To a degree, I think Hell and Heaven are based on what we've allowed ourselves to experience here.

With all the beliefs one can have, there really isn't much choice but to just have faith and follow one. Choose a path and see where it goes. There's a ton more pontificating I could do here, but I'm really just hoping others take something from this, or think a little about their experience.

Originally posted Tuesday, December 26, 2006