Post-Semester Reflections

A few days ago anticlimactically marked the end of my semester at school. Again I piled an immense amount of responsibility on my lap, resulting in five frantic months of tardiness and aggravation. So this is me breathing for the first time this year.
I've finally had a chance to look up from the pages in front of me, and redirect my focus on life itself. It's strange to look back on the past and see how far I've come. It really makes me wonder where I'll be in a few years. I'm still sorta figuring out what matters to me from day to day at this point. As the routine of family, career, mortgage, and age begin to show their potential or materialize; I can't help but wax a bit philosophical. It doesn't do to just accept the terms. There is a solution, a reason to life. I don't kid myself that the details matter of course, but to exist at all begs for reason. We don't build anything, create anything without reason, be it conscious or not. Sometimes the act of creation is the reason itself, or perhaps expression. Is it really right there in front of me? Should I really even worry about it?
I'm painfully aware that regardless of my ability to see or understand a purpose in my being, I will continue to be and live and think. But what about purpose? Numerous people at work have mentioned that I should stick in retail management, get my own store, and run with that. I don't know. Something pulls me away. Just because a person finds a talent, a knack, doesn't mean that this is what they should do. In other words, ability does not necessitate function. Teaching is something I regard as being a fulfilling process. I feel like when I go home, I'll feel good about the heart I pour into my classroom, even if it's lost on the students. I could care less that I down stock, or remerchandise something in my store to make it look better. I go home knowing I'll be able to keep my house, that's about it. What I want isn't a living, because it really isn't living. I want a purpose; something I have chosen to do that leaves my fulfilled. Materially I don't really think there is one right answer, one right path to be taken for each person, but I do believe there is only one spiritual path. Life is not a question with an infinite number of answers. There is only one. I habitually scrutinize those material paths though, and this has led to a negligence of spiritual growth. I will need to address this as time goes by.
On another note, I am very excited about future prospects. Social doors are opening a bit, not to mention a very powerful force slowly laying the foundations of what could be the rest of my life. Lots of learning to do though and lots of time required to know for sure. I guess in the long run whether the investments pay off or not, I will have the experience.

Originally posted Tuesday, December 26, 2006